Thursday, March 12, 2015

The hardest thing about being a mother right now is constantly being told that I suck. Basically I can NEVER do ANYTHING right EVER and EVERYTHING I do is specially calculated to make their lives HORRIBLE. Such as these examples from the last day or two:

  • Dinner was gross.
  • Every meal for their entire lives has always been gross and we never EVER have anything good EVER.
  • Why do we have to go to karate?!
  • They want to do gymnastics/soccer/rock climbing instead (until they try it, and hate it.)
  • We NEVER go anywhere fun.
  • But we haven't had pizza in FOREVER! Like 2 weeks!
  • Why do we never get home lunch and always have to buy lunch?
  • Can't you just give me money? I can NEVER buy anything at the school store and ALL MY FRIENDS DO.
  • I don't want a bedtime story. HOW DARE YOU NOT READ ME A BEDTIME STORY.
  • Mom two summers ago you said we would get a trampoline next summer and it's been TWO summers and we still don't have a trampoline!
  • Breakfast was gross.
  • When is the next time we are going to Disneyland? When is my birthday? When is Christmas? WHY ISN'T IT TOMORROW??? 
  • Me: dinner is in a few minutes. Them: NOOO I'm SOOO hungry!! WHY can't it just be ready NOW??? SO HUNGRY.
  • Dinner was gross.
It's exhausting. 

And it sucks and I kind of hate it.
Can I say that?
Just did.
Am I alone in this?

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Thoughts on parenting, obedience, and being dispensable

I am just having some thoughts on parenting philosophies and the muse was telling me to write them. Here goes.

When I had been married for two or three weeks my sister in law came over and asked me how I was doing. "Great!" I said enthusiastically. "I love being married!" And I did. Blaine and I were adjusting smoothly and everything was going great.
"I am so glad it's going so well for you!" she said.  "I had a really hard time after I got married."
"Really, why?" I asked.
"Oh, because you know, you spend the first 20 years of your life trying so hard to be so obedient to your parents, and do exactly what they say, and then you're just out on your own and you're not sure what to do anymore."
I don't know if my face showed it but I was shocked. I wanted to say "Actually, no. That's NOT what you do for the first 20 years of your life." It sounded nothing like mine.

"Obedience" was not a word thrown around much, if at all, in my house. We were not taught to be "obedient". We were taught to be moral. To be kind and compassionate. We were taught to be happy people, contributing members of society, and to use good judgement. To rely on our own internal moral compass (the Holy Ghost, if that's your terminology).

The first 20 years of my life were spent learning about myself. Learning what was important to me specifically. Finding my talents and interests and developing them. Getting an education and learning about the world. Making friends and interacting with all varieties of different people. Being involved. Developing a personal relationship with God and developing my own testimony of the gospel. Developing my own philosophy on life. My parents provided the scaffolding of opportunity for these things, but allowed me much independence to seek things out myself, never emphasizing or insisting on "obedience" especially not obedience to them.  By the time I left home at 18 and got married at 20, I was already used to making all of my decisions without even asking my parents input. It was in no way a shock. (I'm sure some of this has to do with my own independent personality too.)

I am not setting my parents up as the model for perfect parenthood as I'm sure there were many holes in their philosophies (I didn't even have a curfew, I was just told to use good judgment-among other things I'm sure were not totally kosher). There are no perfect parents. I am certainly not one. But I can't get out of my mind the fact that I do not want to raise my kids with the "exact obedience" model.  I want them to follow the example of the Savior and be moral, kind, compassionate, and honest people. Not perfect "rule followers".

Even Jesus when he came to earth he chastised those who were concerned too much with exact obedience. It was the lower law, He taught the higher law. Be kind, be compassionate. Love your fellow men. Love God. Do good. Serve others. Pray for guidance.

I believe that there is a place for exact obedience, like when children are very young or in danger, and we should all strive to follow God's teachings. But in my home, I want the emphasis to be placed on developing internal morality and a love for your fellow men. Building a relationship with the Savoir and the Holy Ghost.

We may think that as long as our children do the right thing, that's all that matters. But the right thing done for the wrong reason (i.e., fear of punishment either from parent or God) does not make them moral people. And, I believe when children are so concerned with "exact obedience", that as soon as the external moral compass (either their parents or their faith in God) is gone, they may be unable to  make good, moral choices independently. They can end up making really bad choices or none at all.

And as much as we as parents wish to be indispensable to our children, isn't our whole job to make ourselves dispensable? Teach them how to rely on themselves? To show them where to look for answers (like the scriptures) instead of being the answers? So when they reach adulthood they are able to be good, functional, independent people? That's the goal right?

I believe wholeheartedly that God doesn't want adherence to a particular set of rules so much as He wants people of a certain type (that's a butchered CS Lewis quote, Mere Christianity, I believe.) It is our job as parents, I believe, not to police the rules and demand obedience, but help our children on the path to becoming who God meant them to be.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Hi Friends

I don't know if anyone still reads, this, but I will be starting back up again. Only privately. So if you would like an invite, let me know and I'll put you on the list. Thanks friends!

Saturday, August 04, 2012

Baby Talk

A: Mom! I want toast! Right this instant!
M: Asher that is not how you ask for something.
A: Mom you have to get me toast RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT please.

K: Mom what does lame mean?
M: It means when someone can't walk.
A: No it means when someone's dumb.
O: I'm lame!
[and for the next 3 days Ollie told me all about how he was lame]

K: Was there even such thing as parks when you were a kid?

A: When a boy has a mustache, and he's a baby, and he's going to have a mustache, will he have a mustache when he starts as a baby?
M: No bud. Boys get mustaches when they're grown up.
A: Okay. So maybe I will have one someday.

A: [to the pediatrician] Sometimes it's like there's a jar of boogers inside my nose.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

More InstaFun

Cute little sunburned nose.

Tux and Tiara are getting so big and turning into CATS.

Pie's hair is getting so long!!

We like to play Rock Band after church.

Sidewalk chalk is what summer is for.

Summer Swimming!

Ollie and his teacher

The boys marching through the water like pirates!

Evie loved her baby class but as soon as I put her down to get some pictures she was not so happy. 

The kids just finished their two weeks of swimming lessons. They all did great and loved it, especially Asher. Maybe we have some little swimmers on our hands!
I didn't get any pictures of Kimberley because her class was too busy going on the big slides. But let me assure you, she had a blast.

Sunday, June 03, 2012



Father & Sons Camping

Blaine had to miss the actual ward Father & Sons campout because he was out of town, but he made up for it by taking the boys camping last weekend. Andrew, Gavin and Tristan came, too, and they all had a blast. 
Finding the perfect spot

Ollie is still pretty slow on his leg so he rode on Daddy's shoulders.

Looking for wildlife


S'mores and hot dogs! Delish.

My favorite boys.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Kindergarten Graduation

 Bimsy graduated from Kindergarten today! And she didn't want to be serious for pictures.

 The graduate with Mrs. Godfrey and Mrs. Ross
 Her seat

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Life via instagram

Lately I've been into instagramming way more than blogging. But since I have like 3 instagram followers I'll share them here, too.
Mom and Evie taken by Kimberley
Kimberley had a sleepover at Eliza's and the boys slept at Grammy and Grandad's last Friday. Evie and I had a fun girls night shopping in Salt Lake!
This Pie loves to carry the kitties.
This one loves to draw them.
Ollie got his cast off! Oh Happy Day!
Katie and Chase came to visit with their kids, who are all at least 4" taller than ours, who are older. Kayla (4), Asher (4.5) Kimberley (6.5) Andrew (5) Lincoln (2) Ollie (3.5)
We went to the park when Oliver was still in his cast, but he can still get around.
And he still plays outside, just with daddy's sock to keep it clean.
Brynlee and Evie are little BFFs.
Total wrong order but THE CAST IS OFF!